Excerpts From A Cluttered Mind #5

Pan's Labyrinth. A fifty-year-old album. The first science fiction novel. Six Degrees to Kevin James.

Feb 28, 2025

This week’s Excerpts From A Cluttered Mind is brought to you by the Pale Man, who is only the third most disturbing character in Pan’s Labyrinth.

You wouldn’t want to mess with a man with that level of hand-eye co-ordination.

This Week I Have Been Mostly…

Watching…Pan’s Labyrinth (2006) - Dir. Guillermo del Toro

Come for the weird and wonderful mythical creatures. Stay for the anti-Fascist story.

I half-watched this on TV many years ago and didn’t get it, other than it was not what I was expecting and I was slightly disappointed, if you can believe that.

It all makes sense now.

Doug Jones as “The Faun”, the second most disturbing character in “Pan’s Labyrinth”. He also plays the Pale Man.

An informal sequel to del Toro’s previous Spanish Civil War film The Devil’s Backbone.

Spain, 1944.

With the Spanish Civil War won (in 1939), Spain’s Nationalists were to remain in power, uninterrupted, for 46 years under the dictatorship of war leader General Francisco Franco, until the surprising restoration of free elections just after his death in 1975.

Nobody expected the Spanish transition to democracy but nevertheless it happened, bringing the curtain down on fascist dictatorship in Europe, at least for a while.

This, then is the setting for this most human, most bloody and most moving of fantasy films, which centres on a young girl called Ofelia, whose stepfather, Vidal, a Captain in Franco’s Army, is engaged in an operation to hunt down the Maquis, freedom fighters who resist the regime.

The first indication that Vidal is No Good comes when he summons Ofelia’s heavily pregnant and sick mother to the front line to give birth, because “a boy should be born near his father”, and he says to the military doctor:

“Listen to me. If you have to choose, save the baby. That boy will have my name, and my father’s name.”

This brutal story of conflict is intertwined with another story, set in a mythical world reached through an overgrown labyrinth in the woods.

Ofelia seems to be a modern incarnation of the mythological Princess Moanna (no relation to the Disney character), whose father, the King believes that eventually her spirit will return to the underworld, so he has in the meantime built labyrinths around the world which act as portals, in preparation for her return.

Ofelia is entranced by a seemingly intelligent stick insect, who leads her to the labyrinth where she meets a faun and is given three tasks to complete to achieve immortality and return home.

All standard fantasy fare so far, with a beautifully-realised giant toad and a mandrake far more nasty-looking than any in the Harry Potter books.

What makes the movie great rather than just very good, though, are the jarring returns to a reality far more horrible than the dreamlike state Orfelia finds in the labyrinth.

Sergei Lopez (Vidal) was generally better-known as a melodramatic / comedy actor but dialled it down to achieve the hotly-contested title of “most disturbing character in the film”.

Ofelia becomes aware that Vidal is sadistic and unhinged. He viciously kills a couple of local farmers - not Maquis - and tortures a captive Maquis to the point where the army doctor is persuaded by the captive to put him out of his misery. Vidal then shoots the doctor.

Events accelerate after this, and it would be unfair to give away the whole plot, but it is well worth a look, with a Narnia-inspired ending.

Pan’s Labyrinth is currently available on MUBI in the UK.

A couple of quotes which won’t leave my head, though.

The following line from a priest on the subject of torture is taken from a genuine quote from a priest at the time.

"Remember my sons, you should confess what you know because God doesn't care what happens to your bodies; He already saved your souls."

And Vidal, genuinely bewildered when the doctor puts a torture victim out of his misery, against his orders.

“Why didn’t you obey me?”
“To obey just like that, without questioning, that’s something only people like you can do, Captain”.

Reading… Frankenstein: Or, The Modern Prometheus by Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley (1818)

Mary Wollstonecraft Godwin, as she was at the time of writing “Frankenstein”

The novel that started a literary genre, as well as later spawning a separate film genre, came out of a bet between Mary, poet Percy Bysse Shelley (her lover and future husband), Lord Byron and John Pollidori to see who could write the best horror story.

John Pollidori produced the short story The Vampyre, the first modern vampire story to be published. You’d have thought that would have been enough to win.

But Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley produced Frankenstein.

By any reasonable definition of what Science Fiction is, the first sci-fi novel - also the first great sci-fi novel - to be published.

Written by an 18-year-old girl.

Raised by an anarchist father, Mary Shelley's works often argue that cooperation and sympathy, particularly as practised by women in the family, were the ways to reform civil society, a worldview somewhat at odds with Percy Shelley’s romantic individualism.

The quality and conviction of the writing is such that I didn’t even think of Mel Brooks and Gene Wilder until quite late in, and Bela Lugosi not at all.

Comfortably the least dense nineteenth-century novel I have ever encountered, full of passion and compassion, the book is an absolute joy.

Coincidentally, it turns out, del Toro is currently making a film version of Frankenstein that should rank with any of the others.1

Listening To… “Katy Lied” by Steely Dan (1975)

The little chap on the cover of this record looks remarkably like the stick insect in “Pan’s Labyrinth”. Everything is connected…

Katy Lied is not the best-known, or apparently the best-loved, of the Dan’s classic run of albums, but it’s “my” Steely Dan album.

1975 also saw the release of “my” Dylan album Blood On The Tracks and “my” Pink Floyd album album Wish You Were Here. Never felt quite the same about the subsequent releases of either artist, although I love everything up to, and especially including, this point. It’s exactly the same with Steely Dan - and yes, I know they made Aja and The Royal Scam after this, and of course there was Donald Fagen’s The Nightfly.

Maybe its because this was my introduction to that unique Dan song structure, the incredible musicianship courtesy of the finest session mos available, and those lyrics which sounded so intriguing but I didn’t have a clue what they meant. Like watching Kojak on telly around the same time, I had a general inkling what they were getting at, but couldn’t be certain.

There is nothing cooler to an inquisitive thirteen-year-old than the glimpses you get of an adult world just around the corner, but not really yours to claim just yet so you watch and wait.

I only had about twenty or so albums of my own and I listened to each new arrival so much that they are ingrained into my soul, and I think this was the first album where I really found something new on every play, for years and years. Maybe Dark Side Of The Moon is close, I dunno.

It clocks in at a meagre 39 minutes, quite common in those days, so I’d be tempted to say, just play it all. Look, just play the opening track Black Friday and I bet you any money2 you’ll let the album run to the end, by which time you’ll love it.

Six Degrees Of Separation To Kevin James

Kevin James IS Paul Blart: Mall Cop!

Quick resume for new readers, and there seem to be quite a lot of you recently, which is most gratifying. Welcome!

Everybody is connected to everybody else by six steps, seemingly.

In particular, everybody in showbiz is connected to Footloose (but not fancy-free) star Kevin Bacon by a maximum of six movies or shows they have appeared in, which is the form this game usually takes.

To make it a little more interesting, I take suggestions for who should start the sequence, while picking a different Kevin every week. This week’s choice is supporting actor Kevin James who shot to fame in Paul Blart:Mall Cop and its sequel Paul Blart:Mall Cop 2.

I also try and make sure that the films, TV shows and other works included along the way are worthwhile, which I’m afraid rules out Paul Blart:Mall Cop and DEFINITELY rules out Paul Blart:Mall Cop 2.

If you have a suggested starting actor (or singer, or dancer, or producer, or footballer), let me know.

Since I have so far received a grand total of no suggestions at all, I’d say you have a very good chance of having your choice used in a forthcoming feature.

Once again, the missus has provided this week’s starting actor, the legend that is Scott Patterson, famous for his roles in Saw, The Event but most of all Gilmore Girls.

Gilmore Girls

“What have you done now?”

Scott Patterson’s character Luke is lumbered with his juvenile delinquent nephew Jess, played by Milo Ventimiglia of This Is Us fame.

Yes, the show is all about mother-daughter combo Lorelei and Rory Gilmore, but the relationship between Luke and Jess is no less riveting. Jess’s mother has foisted Jess on Luke to look after because she thinks Luke can do the boy some good.

Initially horrified, Luke knuckles down out of a sense of duty, and does an excellent job as a surrogate father to Jess, which does not go unnoticed by Lorelei… but that’s another story.

The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air (1990)

“Come as you are? Oh right. I get it. I thought that meant fancy-dress with a Nirvana theme.”

Milo Ventimiglia’s first screen role was as a party guest in an early episode of The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air.

I don’t recall too much about the show - I only knew Will Smith as half of the superb hip-hop duo DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince, and was slightly annoyed that the TV Show seemed to be eclipsing the music (which turned out not to be the case, although I do still prefer their earlier, funnier stuff). Check out this week's playlist.

Apparently, in a classic case of “Ooh, look, I got money!” Will blew through 2.8 million dollars before realising he needed to pay tax on it, and having his salary garnished by 25% for the next three years of the show.

Garnish my salary

No wonder that smile looked a little forced by Season Four.

Independence Day (1996) - dir. Roland Emmerich

Will Smith, still not smiling, about to save the world on behalf of US mining rights.

Steve Buscemi has a small role in the Independence Day, which sees the nations of the world striking back against their alien oppressors on July 4th, led by Will Smith.

It was made during that brief window post Cold War, pre September 11th, 2001, where there was still enough optimism around to make such a coming together of the people of the world a believable concept. Maybe it will happen again one day, fingers crossed.

Hotel Transylvania (2012) - dir. Genndy Tartakovsky

The hotel in question is a safe haven for vampires and other monsters, founded by Count Dracula (Adam Sandler) in 1895 when his wife was killed by an angry mob. Dracula is miffed when he finds out on his daughter’s 118th birthday that she has fallen for a hated human …

Steve Buscemi plays the Wolfman. Obviously.

“We don’t need to kill anybody. We have pop tarts.”

50 First Dates (2004) - dir. Peter Segal

Kevin James is not in this photograph. Drew Barrymore is, though. I hope that’s OK with everybody. I couldn’t find a pic of Kevin James in this film. OK, full confession, I didn’t really try. I hope that’s OK with everybody. He is definitely in the film, though. He’s credited as “factory worker”. Aren’t Drew and Adam a lovely couple, though?

One of a few Adam Sandler / Drew Barrymore romcoms, all romantic and funny, all also with the odd hint of snark somewhere, as is Sandler’s wont.

Sandler plays Henry, a Hawaii vet who falls for art teacher Lucy (Barrymore); he asks her out, they go on a date, it goes well and they arrange to meet the next day at the same restaurant.

When she doesn’t turn up, the restaurant owner explains that Lucy has short-term memory loss caused by a car accident. Henry resolves to woo her anew every day.

Henry: I was petting my walrus all morning and I was thinking of you the whole time.
Lucy: OK, pervert. I think that you should leave.
Henry: What? I was just joking around because of what we talked about yesterday.
Lucy: Yesterday? I’ve never even met you.

It’s a charming movie, which progresses to the inevitable conclusion logically and with great humour and empathy, both qualities not always in evidence in Sandler’s films.

This week's playlist

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