Excerpts From A Cluttered Mind #6 - Brooklyn Nine-Nine Edition

Six Degrees Of Kevin. The Skyfire Cycle. Backstreet Boys.

Mar 06, 2025

99th Precinct 18:31

The United States Of America has plenty to be proud of. Walt Disney World. Buddy Holly. Hollywood. Dolly Parton. Dollywood. Woody Harrelson. Hamburgers. Bruce Springsteen. Those beautiful, beautiful big trucks.

And not least the many - many! - fine comedy shows they come up with on a regular basis. Dating back beyond as far as I can remember (and I’m really old) to the present day and counting.

Just off the top of me ‘ead. You’ve got yer Roseanne. You’ve got yer Sgt. Bilko. You’ve got Friends, and M*A*S*H, and Taxi. All with stellar levels of writing and acting. All rewarding repeated viewings. Oh yeah, I forgot Frasier. And The Simpsons.

And then there’s Brooklyn Nine-Nine. One of the best I’ve ever seen.

“ ‘One of the best I’ve ever seen”. Title of your sex tape …’

NO, inner Detective Jake Peralta. Not yet. Not yet.

Brooklyn Nine-Nine followed the day-to-day lives of a group of detectives in a tough inner-city precinct in New York. The characters were beautifully drawn and brilliantly played, and meshed together really well as an ensemble. You really cared about what happened to them.

Oh yeah, and there were more gags per minute1 than any other comedy I’ve ever seen, including those that sacrificed character and plot for shoehorned-in jokes.

What I’m trying to say here is, I really like Brooklyn Nine-Nine.

Six Degrees to Kevin Cozner.

Regular readers will know that this weekly newsletter contains a feature called “Six Degrees To Kevin” where we trace a path to a specific Kevin in six steps, beginning with a randomly-chosen starting person.

In keeping with this week’s theme, this week’s Kevin is Kevin Cozner, husband of Captain Raymond Holt in Brooklyn Nine-Nine, portrayed by Marc Evan Jackson and possessed of a wit dryer than Death Valley in the middle of a drought. Check out the podcast he hosts about the show - Brooklyn Nine-Nine: The Podcast

Our starting point, chosen completely at random, is Detective Amy Santiago.

S5 E22 “Jake And Amy’s Wedding” - Amy to Rosa

Rosa Diaz (Stephanie Beatriz) and Amy Santiago (Melissa Fumero), aka the Sleuth Sisters

Amy, methodical and fastidious to the point of, frankly, mania, is choosing her wedding dress along with fellow detective Rosa and is so stressed she just cannot be arsed with it.

Rosa - So what do you think?
Amy - Mm, I don't love the sash. But it's fine. I'm just gonna get it.
Rosa - What? That's the first one you tried on. I once saw you look at 54 different accordian folders and not buy any of them due to weak tabs.
Amy - I file hard. I need strong tabs.

Relatable. The missus is a “stationery fan” like Amy. Her eyes lit up at the idea of a shop with 54 different accordian folders.

It’s just not the same in the UK since Staples drastically reduced their operation here. I blame Jeff Bezos.

S1 E1 Pilot Episode - Rosa to Charles

As Cliff Bennett And The Rebel Rousers had it in 1965, One Way Love. Charles is besotted with Rosa early on in the show’s run.

Detective Charles Boyle (Jo Lo Trugilo), A strange man, a good man, a hopeless romantic with no sense of embarrassment, has an unrequited crush on Rosa. When we first meet the characters in the pilot episode it is clear this has been going on for some time. To Charles’ amazement, she actually agrees to go to a movie with him, but…

Charles - “I’ll probably go with something classic, like Citizen Kane”.
Rosa - “Citizen Kane is terrible. Pick a good movie.”
Charles - “Good call. Smart. (Rosa drives off). I’ll do it. I’ll pick a better movie than… Citizen Kane…”

S7 E12 “Ransom” - Charles to Terry

Fitness fanatic Sgt. Terry Jeffords (played by former pro-NFLer Terry Crews) goes into the fitness supplement business with Charles, selling Charles’ old family bone broth recipe.

Terry tasting Charles’ miracle broth while Charles looks on confidently.

Terry- You know, I bet we could sell this stuff.
Charles - You really think so? [gasps] We can call our company "The Bone Boys." No! "More Bone, Less Moan." No! "Workplace Bone Buds." That's the one. I'm registering it.

One of the show’s finest running gags is Charles’ honestly held belief that he is fitter, stronger and more attractive to women than Terry…

S1 E1 Pilot Episode - Terry to Holt

Terry meets Captain Holt (Andre Braugher) on the new Captain’s first day on the job.

Holt - Sergeant, you were in the 1-8 with me. Though you were significantly...
Terry - Fatter, sir. They called me "Terry Titties." Because I had large, uh...
Holt - Titties, yes. I remember. I never liked that nickname. Though to be fair, it was accurate.

S5 E22 “99” Captain Holt to Jake

Holt is disappointed in Jake, but by this point, not surprised.

On the topic of Rosa’s coming out as bisexual.

Holt: This is going considerably better than when I came out to my colleagues. They were not, as the kids say... awake.
Jake: You mean "woke"?
Holt: I do mean "woke", but it's grammatically incoherent.

S5 E12 “Safe House” - Jake to Kevin

A gangster has threatened Captain Holt’s husband, Kevin Cozner, the refined head of the Classics department at Columbia University.

He has been staying in a safe house with Jake Peralta guarding him for two months, with the only entertainment available being a big box of Nicolas Cage DVDs which he has reluctantly sat through (although he eventually comes round to Nic’s oeuvre, through necessity)

Captain Holt - I brought you your box of DVDs.
Jake - Oh, thank you. Oh! Forgot about this one. We never watched "Captain Corelli's Mandolin".
Kevin - What the hell did you just say?
Jake - "Captain Corelli's Mandolin"?
Kevin - Say that to my face.
Jake - "Captain Corelli's Mandolin"?
Kevin - There was a movie about a mandolin, and you kept it from me for two months?
Jake - Well I didn't think it was any good. It's just some period piece.
Kevin - What?
Jake - Set in Greece.
Kevin - Oh, my God.
Jake - Based on some dumb book. *Kevin knocks the DVD out of Jake's hands* Aah!
Kevin - Terribly sorry. It has been a very trying time.

This week I have been mostly …

Reading - The Skyfire Cycle by D C Parlov

Paperback version of “Sand Into Glass”, the first volume of “The Skyfire Cycle”.

Let’s get one thing clear from the start. The Skyfire Cycle is not a Game Of Thrones thing.

Game Of Thrones is a Skyfire Cycle thing.

I guarantee that you will have never read anything quite like D.C. Parlov’s masterwork.

Perhaps Kurt Weidmann’s Beastworm Chronicles and Landon Lawson’s The Shadowbringer’s Saga come closest, although I do have a soft spot for the more humorous T’Witches by Thomas Hauser.

But nothing beats Skyfire for capturing the imagination of fantasy fandom, who enthusiastically dress as the characters from the book when they attend conventions:

“Sharpen your swords and string your bows, the beasts have gone away”

It’s actually quite smart and dark and adult and not just for nerds and people who can spent an hour arguing over the pronunciation of “Smaug” in Tolkien’s The Hobbit.

Currently running to thirteen books and counting, the first volume (above) had a very limited print run, which is one reason a first editions are very hard to find in reasonable condition.

Also, the copies tended to be read and re-read many times while fans eagerly awaited the next volume, sometimes for years. Many, many years.

Copies of the first hardback edition are even rarer since they were printed with a structural deficiency which makes them very easy to tear in half if you’re strong enough.

Best moments in the series:

The Summoning Of Belacastro, obviously. (duh!)
The Scarlet Feast. Very surprised that Parlov never sued G R R Martin over this. Fans have long speculated that an Agreement was Reached.
When we thought Ka’lar had been swallowed by the Norolith but he changed places with Samling the Betrayer at the Battle of Vorcastle. Unforgettable.
When Morzak answered the Sorceress’ riddle and she turned him into a tree which became Prominius’ axe.

Listening To… “I Want It That Way” - Backstreet Boys (1999)

This is just beautiful. The best “cold open” in television history.

And do check out the comments below the clip itself, which appears to have developed its own fandom independent of Brooklyn Nine-Nine.

I Want It That Way - Backstreet Boys

99th Precinct - 23:45 pm

So. Brooklyn Nine-Nine. A great bunch of lads.

Me and the missus are coming to the end of a rewatch of the whole eight-season run. It isn’t the first rewatch and it won’t be the last.

It may be recency bias, but right now it seems like if we’ve ever seen a better American sitcom, we’re f*cked if we can remember what it is.2

Shut up, inner Peralta.

Sorry, inner Diaz. It won’t happen again.3

And it’s goodnight from Hitchcock (Dirk Blocker) and it’s goodnight from Scully (Joel McKinnon Miller).

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